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I'm someone who's undergone a complete life/self overhaul. I'm now a professional in my dream job, balancing an amazing relationship, a healthy body, a healthy self image, my passions, my family and surrounding myself with good people. It's hard, not gonna lie. But I'm here to help, to inspire and say "you're not alone."

Me, today. 4.15.12 Passion Over Ego, Living Fearlessly.

Today started warmly – greeted warmly by my good friend and house guest for the weekend, smiles continuing throughout breakfast and laughter, always laughter. I left him shopping while I went to my dance company‘s practice, knowing we were starting to learn choreography for a brand new piece due to debut in 2 weeks for the Barrister’s Ball – a celebration for the ENTIRE bar association of Colorado. Although my near 3 years of dance training and performing has been incredible (learning swing, tango, waltz, cha cha, contemporary and many more) I was so nervous and unsure of myself, it felt like I was put in a time machine, back to my audition day…

It was a luke warm day. So bright and sunny, that it seemed like someone turned up the saturation. Although I had never had dance training, I wasn’t nervous – what did I have to loose? I never invested any time in becoming anything close to knowledgeable in dance so if I didn’t make the cut, I was exactly where I woke up. I dressed as I thought dancers did – which didn’t turn out to be true. I had thought, leotards and off the shoulder sweaters, leg warmers etc. Nope, yoga pants and tanks. Mean while, I looked like an 80’s music video but what the hey, I didn’t know. What I also didn’t know was the 40 or so people in the room with me, and the talk of being instructors or studying dance. And you bechur leotard-covered bottom that seeing all those people and hearing all the experience suddenly gave me a case of the sweats. You would have thought I just ran 10 miles. Palms, brow, feet… all of it just damp with nervousness. Oh and then the testing started. We were shown 20 seconds of dancing, then had to repeat it only 4 at a time, in front of 3 of the studio’s owners. And what did we get tested in? I had no idea!!! Terms like Adaje, Coupe and Echappe. Why was everyone suddenly speaking in French? What was a rumba beat or a waltz run? Why was I the only one who didn’t get the memo?!?!

I was so in over my head it was not even funny. But, I took a deep breadth and decided. “If I’m going to do something wrong, I’m going to do it very wrong.”  You better believe I stretched the furthest, kicked the highest, turned the fastest while looking the wrongest. I knew it too, knew I was off time and I probably looked like I had just seen a monkey slap my grandmother in the face. But I didn’t care, I was dancing and I put my fear aside. Sure I was nervous to look like a complete simpleton, of literally falling on my face, but who cares? I was there to dance and give it my best shot. I was there for me and no one else.

I was later told that it was because I was able to dance fearlessly that I had made the dance company. You can be taught anything – anything but attitude. You must put aside any pride or ego and what others think. Put your passion over your ego, and live fearlessly.

I’ve taken that and applied it to as many things as I could, and reminded myself of that today. When I was behind in learning the choreography, afraid I would fail in 2 weeks, I reminded myself to live fearlessly. I will continue to remind myself of that and practice hard. We were told that the second half of the unwritten routine involves, lifts, flips and tricks… oh boy….. We’ll see how things turn out, but no matter what I’ll love it, because I’m still dancing.

Directly after practice, I traded m y tights and heels for a jeans and sneakers – headed out to a break dance competition, hosted by one of my good friends. The community of dancers of all levels and ages 5-30 something was an amazing energy. People clapping to the old school funk beats, grooving and encouraging others in competition. It was amazing to feel, see and be a part of. ” This is why I dance.” I thought. “No one can be unhappy, angry or negative and dance.” I love being immersed in others passion. Surround yourself with positivity, and it’s pretty darn hard to not smile =)

Hungry from the day, my friend and I cooked a traditional Indonesian dish called Laksa the way my mother makes it. Enjoying more laughs and connecting another very dear friend of mine with him made for yet another amazingly memorable day.

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2 Comments on “Me, today. 4.15.12 Passion Over Ego, Living Fearlessly.”

  1. Kayla T. Shaw April 15, 2012 at 2:04 pm #

    It is so amazing how, on audition day, you came into all of our lives and brought courage, fearlessness and strength. I have yet to meet someone who can look themselves square in the ego and create such power out of angst. So happy to read about how you think and act, appreciate your honesty

    • Jennifer M Leong April 15, 2012 at 11:16 pm #

      Thank you so much, your words have touched my heart. I can’t tell you what that means to me. I hope I can keep on giving you something to read about, and hopefully to help build the community of women that will support each other to make us all better for it.

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