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I'm someone who's undergone a complete life/self overhaul. I'm now a professional in my dream job, balancing an amazing relationship, a healthy body, a healthy self image, my passions, my family and surrounding myself with good people. It's hard, not gonna lie. But I'm here to help, to inspire and say "you're not alone."

Me, today. 6.22.12. Do You

Today I was exhausted after yesterday’s shoots, work and workout. All I wanted to do was plop on the couch and watch a movie. But, instead I was a good friend’s +1 at his work’s annual party. We had gone the year prior performing a salsa break dance choreography piece which most remembered me vaguely from. With my hair pinned up in a high french twist, my body draped in an asymmetrical flowy black cocktail dress, and my feet sporting teal velvet 4 inchers I was primed, pressed and all dolled up. Exchanging polite conversation with new faces in the dugout of our local baseball team, I sipped chardonnay and smiled as the warm summer breeze blew threw my hair. Dinner was served in the sky box where we all laughed at a summarizing annual sideshow filled with funny quotes and silly pictures.

As the drink cups emptied the crowd grew louder, more rowdy, and ready to dance. After the semi-formal dinner concluded a bar was decided upon and everyone walked over, heels carefully avoiding the cobble stones, purses and ties swinging. My friend and I knew about the dancing before hand and came prepared. We made a quick detour to my car to change in to baggy torn jeans, sports bra and tank. I pulled down the brim of my hat and fed my hair through the back, ready to wear out the tread on my sneakers.

Romping over excited at the prospect of dancing, we joined his colleagues who were shuffling drink in one hand, purse in the other both raised in the air and bouncing – ladies you know the drill. As we stepped out onto the floor, I realized most of the girls had legs showing and outfits on, being sure to look “cute” in whatever they had on. I paused a moment, looking down at my baggy shapeless jeans, blue and grey kicks and plain black tank top. I heard my father’s voice say, “Jennifer, you are too boyish, you don’t look like a girl. You need to be more feminine, guys won’t like how you are.” My heart sank just a little at realizing my appearance relative to my fellow women in the immediate vicinity. But I thought, this is what I want to wear so I can actually dance and have fun. I’m not going to be what anyone else wants me to be, I’m going to do me. And do me I did – having break dance battles with my friend, causing circles to form and people to give me high fives. I sweated off all my make up, ruined my nicely done hair,  didn’t dance with anyone but myself and had a blast doing it! I wasn’t there to dance for anyone, to show anyone or garner any attention. I was moving to music simply because I love it.I had a great time as soon as I let go of who I was supposed to be and was just me.

To often we get in our heads about who we should be or be like. What’s missing from us becoming __________. Or being more like  ________. Remember to stay true to who you are, letting go of what you think is expected of you to act, be, think and speak like. It is the only way to be truly happy.

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